Allowing Your Higher Self To Be Real: Article One in a Series of Five

In the 1960s and 70s there was a popular movement in some spiritual circles where people affirmed, “I am God.  I am God.  I am God.”  For most, it was a very sincere effort to grow closer to God, closer to the Divine, but no matter how many times they said it, it didn’t feel real.  They knew that they weren’t the Divine.  Unfortunately, many people eventually abandoned this concept altogether, losing a very vital truth – that they are a piece of the Divine.  Every human being is a piece of the Divine.  And that piece?  That piece is your higher consciousness, your Higher Self.

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Your Higher Self exists beyond the physical plane.  They have never been physical.  If they were physical, they would be you, for you are the physical expression of your Higher Self.   Your Higher Self is who you are becoming.  You will never be your Higher Self as long as you’re physical, but when you complete your growth as a human being, this is who you will become.   You will become that piece of the Divine that your Higher Self already is.

Your Higher Self is all knowing and all loving.  Most poignantly, they know you and love you without condition.  Your Higher Self knows the way home, the way to the Divine, and waits ever so lovingly, every so patiently to show you the way home to this love.  They dearly want to connect with you.

Every time you decide to grow, your Higher Self becomes totally excited because they believe in you completely.  Even if that decision falls short.  Even if you decide to go back to your old patterns and behaviors, your Higher Self never judges or criticizes.  They only love, they only understand with tremendous compassion.   And, they wait patiently for you to decide to grow again and when you do, your Higher Self is right there, ready to offer all the help that you could possibly need.  Your Higher Self knows who you really are and wants more than anything to help you know that too. They can truly be your very best friend, if you will allow it.

Some people talk about the Higher Self as an interesting spiritual idea or a meditative technique – something they visualize in a meditation.  But your Higher Self is not an idea or a technique, they are real.  They are a living expression of consciousness, just like you are a living expression of consciousness.  They are unique, just as you are unique. They have a name, just as you have a name.  And they love you more than you will ever be able to fathom.  In that love, your Higher Self wants you to be totally happy, totally free, totally at peace.  They want you to experience the goodness, truth and beauty that life can be.  They want you to live your most heart-felt dreams.  And they want you to know the divinity that you truly are and will help you every single step of the way – again, if you will allow it.

Resistances to allowing your Higher Self to be real

So what gets in the way?  We all have resistance to allowing our Higher Self to be the real, living, loving consciousness that they are because we’re human.  And although everyone is unique and may have their own individual reasons, there are seven common resistances that many people share:

  1. Defining realness by the five senses:  As human beings we are taught that realness is measured by our five senses.  If we can’t see it, hear it, smell it, feel it or taste it then our tendency is to think that it’s not real.  But the Higher Self is not measured by our five senses; their energy exists beyond these ways of perceiving. However, rather than developing different measuring devices, different ways of perceiving, many people conclude that their Higher Self isn’t real.  This is similar to being in a pitch black room where you can’t see anything and then concluding that there’s nothing there when in fact the room is filled with furniture that you just can’t see at the moment.  Or having a bad cold that renders you unable to smell for a while and then telling yourself that the coffee you’re drinking has no taste or aroma.  These examples may seem ridiculous, but that’s because you’ve likely experienced a room filled with furniture before or have drank coffee with a strong taste and aroma.  But what if you hadn’t had these experiences?  It would be easy to conclude something quite different.If you haven’t experienced your Higher Self before and you can’t measure them with your five senses, then it’s all too easy to conclude that they aren’t real when in fact they are very real – you just need a different way to perceive them.
  2. Wanting other people’s approval: The consensus reality – how most people hold reality, how most people hold what is real – does not believe in a Higher Self.  At most, if they buy into the concept at all, it is an inner voice, an inner knowing, a psychic flash, or intuition.  They are not a real, living, loving expression of consciousness that has their own personality, their own sense of humor, their own name.  If you want the consensus’ approval, you will not allow your Higher Self to be real.Now many people on a spiritual path would quickly say that this resistance doesn’t apply to them, that they don’t care what other people think, but this isn’t always the case.  One way to test this is to ask yourself how you feel when other people don’t believe like you do.  Do you honor their beliefs or do you try to convince them to believe the way you do?  Does it make you angry or frustrated when someone doesn’t agree with you?  Do you get defensive or find yourself judging them?When you’re confident in what you believe, you don’t need other people to agree with your beliefs. You don’t need to convince them or defend yourself.  It doesn’t make you angry or frustrated when someone doesn’t see things like you do.  When you’re not confident, that’s when these things can come into play, especially if you have a hidden agenda chinese-675119of wanting their approval.  It’s like the person who strongly disagrees with the way they were raised and consequently decides to live a very different lifestyle. Yet deep down they still want their family’s approval and thus get very upset when their family disagrees with their choices.Wanting the consensus reality’s approval is a tremendous resistance to allowing your Higher Self to be real.  Even if you never tell anyone about your relationship, it’s too threatening should anyone ever find out.  And wanting approval not only impacts your ability to connect with your Higher Self, but it also significantly restricts your personal growth because finding your own truth, regardless of whether others approve or not, is the heart of any spiritual journey.

3. Lacking a clear boundary between you and your negative ego… 

Allowing Your Higher Self to be Real Article Two

Allowing Your Higher Self To Be Real: Article Two in a Series of Five

Resistances to allowing your Higher Self to be real (continued):

3. Lacking a clear boundary between you and your negative ego: Everyone has a negative ego that thinks of itself as the singular authority, as the “source”, as the “one”.  The negative ego part of self absolutely does not want to believe that there is a consciousness greater than itself.  It does not want to think that there’s someone or something out there that is more than it – more loving, more powerful, more knowing, more caring, more wise, more.  It wants to be the best.  It wants to be the “all that is”.  This obviously creates tremendous resistance to allowing your Higher Self to be real. If you do not have a clear boundary between you and this negative part of yourself, then it’s all too easy to buy into its thoughts that your Higher Self doesn’t exist, that they are just a figment of your imagination or an interesting spiritual idea or a meditative technique – not a living, loving, real expression of consciousness that is greater and grander than anything you could ever fathom.

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4. Wanting to be in control: Some people resist allowing their Higher Self to be real because they want to be in control.  If my Higher Self was real, they think, they might say something that I don’t want to hear or suggest something that I don’t want to do or point out something that I don’t want to see.  But if they’re just a meditative technique, something that I visualize when I meditate, then they can’t say or do anything that might impact me.  I can be in total control of my experience.  The problem is, control is the antithesis to love, whether you’re in a relationship with another human being or with your Higher Self.  You can’t be controlling and loving in the same moment.  It is impossible.  You can’t be controlling and receiving love in the same moment either.  That is also impossible.  So in the attempt to control you pay the price of love, whether that’s with your Higher Self or another human being.  If you want to be in control more than you want love, then it will be very difficult to allow your Higher Self to be real because they are the very essence of love.

5. Fear of the responsibility of realness:  Some people fear the responsibility of having a Higher Self that is real.  They think of responsibility in terms of demands, duties and obligations rather than as the ability and willingness to respond.  If my Higher Self was real, what would be demanded of me?  What duties and obligations would I be saddled with?  What changes would I be forced to make?  In truth, your Higher Self never demands anything of you.  Like the Divine, the only thing your Higher asks – not demands, but asks – is that you be real, real with yourself and real with them.

Yes, there is responsibility when your Higher Self is real, just like there is responsibility any time you are in a loving, intimate relationship because the relationship is real.  It matters.  It has substance. But responsibility is the greatest freedom.  The more you’re able and willing to respond in life, the freer you are.  Think of it this way: if someone you love has a serious illness, wouldn’t you want to be able to respond, to do something to help them, to make the situation better?  That’s what responsibility really means – being able and willing to respond, to do something, to have impact.  Compare this with a lack of responsibility, where there’s someone you love who has a serious illness and you can’t respond, you can’t do anything, you can’t make the situation any better.  That is imprisoning, not liberating.

Responsibility, being able and willing to respond, truly is the greatest freedom because it means that you can have positive impact.  And when it comes to your Higher Self, the more responsible you can be means the more able and willing you are to respond to the unconditional love, support and caring that they have for you.  You can let your Higher Self’s love impact you, changing your life in magical and miraculous ways.

6. Not wanting accountability and consequences:  As with responsibility, some people want their Higher Self to remain an idea or a technique because they don’t want to be accountable to the relationship or have any consequences.  If my Higher Self is just an idea or a visualization in my meditations, I don’t need to honor their love by dropping my martyrhood or victimhood or manipulations.  I can keep holding onto my past, reliving old patterns and behaviors, pretending that I can’t overcome whatever I’ve experienced because it doesn’t matter anyway – I’m not allowing their love to be real. But if my Higher Self is real, if they are a unique expression of consciousness with their own personality, their own name, their own life; if they are someone that loves me dearly and is always there for me 100 percent, believing in me, just waiting to help me in any way I will allow, then I am accountable and there are consequences.

heart-1254343And what is the accountability?  Again, to be real.  Playing martyr or victim, manipulating, clinging to the past, pretending to be small – that’s not being real. Learning, growing, changing, evolving; making mistakes and forgiving myself; exploring, seeking, discovering; falling down and getting back up again; reaching, loving, caring – that’s all part of being real.

Being real isn’t about perfection.  It’s about being genuine, honest and truthful.  It’s about being vulnerable, open and trustworthy.  It’s about being willing to be loved and more, to be changed by that love for that is the ultimate accountability and consequence of allowing your Higher Self to be real: to allow their love to change you. To bring you home to who you truly are in the wholeness of your being.

7. Being afraid of intimacy…

Allowing Your Higher Self To Be Real, Article Three

Allowing Your Higher Self To Be Real: Article Three in a Series of Five

Resistances to allowing your Higher Self to be real (continued):

7. Being afraid of intimacy: Perhaps the most poignant reason people want to keep their Higher Self as an idea or a meditative technique rather than allowing them to be the real, living, loving consciousnesses that they are, is because of their fears of intimacy.  Many people will love with abandon, but when it starts to become intimate – close, tender, vulnerable and trusting – that’s when they hightail it out of there.  “I love to love, it’s just that intimacy stuff that terrifies me. I don’t want to get that close. I don’t want to be that tender. I don’t want to be vulnerable by opening up and sharing the deepest parts of myself – my secrets, wounds and shames; my strengths, powers and talents.  I don’t want to tell someone else my inner most thoughts or heart-felt dreams for fear that I’ll be humiliated.  What if they laugh at me?  What if they judge me?  And I’m afraid to trust.  I trusted before and was really burned; I don’t ever want to experience that again. Sure, I’ll love as long as I don’t have to be close, tender, vulnerable and trusting – as long as I don’t have to be intimate.”

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This fear of intimacy applies to relationships with other people, as well as with your Higher Self.  If you’re afraid to be intimate with others then most likely you’ll also be afraid to be intimate with your Higher Self, even though they will never humiliate, judge or hurt you.  Your Higher Self will never abandon, betray or deceive you in any way.  They are 100 percent trustworthy.  Your Higher Self has total integrity and character, and is completely responsible.  They know everything there is to know about love and intimacy and do both beautifully.  Again, they are the you that is a piece of the Divine.  They are Love.

Being intimate with another, whether that’s a human being or your Higher Self, is scary and that’s okay.  All genuine success involves some level of fear and real intimacy is a very high level of success.  There are few things more rewarding in life than to be close, tender, vulnerable and trusting with another. When intimacy is genuine, it actually creates a profound level of safety.

To allow your Higher Self to be real, and therefore the beneficiary of all that they have to offer, it’s important to move beyond your resistance, whether it’s the seven listed above or your own unique variations.  But even if you don’t, your Higher Self will still love you without condition.  And without condition means exactly that – they love you no matter what.  There is nothing you can do to earn your Higher Self’s love for you and there’s nothing you can do to lose it.  Like the Divine’s love for you, it is a gift, not a reward.  Rewards are earned, but gifts are received.

You can choose to hold your Higher Self as only an interesting idea or a meditative technique and they will still love you.  But if you’re willing to dare, if you’re willing to move beyond your resistance and allow your Higher Self to be the living, loving, unique consciousness that they are, there are no words to describe the magic and miracles that can unfold.  This is your Higher Self, your higher consciousness, the piece of divinity that you truly are in the wholeness of your being.  When you connect, the sense of coming home to yourself is unfathomable.

Ways to develop an intimate relationship with your Higher Self

I’ve created a very beautiful guided meditation, Connecting with Your Higher Self that is designed to help you develop an intimate relationship with your Higher Self.  In this meditation, your Higher Self appears in a personified form.  As I said earlier, they don’t have a form, it is beyond form, but that is very difficult to relate to so in meditation they take on a human form – usually female if you’re female and male if you’re male.   In the meditation, the two of you will spend some time together under a starlit night, talking, connecting and just getting to know one another.  And if you already know your Higher Self, you’ll have the opportunity to get to know one another even better.  In fact, as with all meditations, the more you repeat the experience, the more powerful it becomes.

In addition to this meditation, here are four more ways develop an intimate relationship with your Higher Self.   You don’t have to do them all.  Pick and choose what feels right to you.

1. Talk and ask: To develop a relationship with your Higher Self that is real and intimate, talk to them.  Tell them why you are afraid of intimacy – there’s magic in the telling.  Any time you talk to someone about your fears with the intent of releasing them, magic happens.  This is even truer with your Higher Self because of the love that they have for you.  And this isn’t about confessing, it’s not like you’re entering a confessional; this is about talking with a friend, a close friend who loves you dearly.  Let yourself share your thoughts and feelings around why intimacy scares you. Your Higher Self will listen and they will talk with you too. It doesn’t matter whether you hear them clearly or not, the energy will be exchanged and according to your rhythm, to your pattern, it will become conscious.  After you’ve shared why intimacy scares you, then ask your Higher to heal and dissolve your fears.  They will readily say yes.

teddy-1361397_1920Also, talk with your Higher Self about why you might resist developing an intimate relationship with them.  Is it because you lack a clear boundary between you and your negative ego?  Or because you’ve been taught to only give weight to things that you can see, hear, smell, touch and taste?  It is it because you want the approval of the consensus reality or if not the entire consensus, then someone within your personal reality that you know doesn’t believe in the Higher Self?  Do you want to hang onto trying to control or are you afraid of the responsibility if your Higher Self is real?  Is it the accountability and consequences or some other reason?  Talk to them, share.  Again, your Higher Self won’t judge or criticize you.  They only love, understand and have compassion for you.  After you’ve shared your resistance, ask for healing, in your best interest with harm to none.  Your Higher Self will readily, joyfully agree.

Allowing Your Higher Self To Be Real, Article Four

Allowing Your Higher Self To Be Real: Article Four in a Series of Five

Ways to develop an intimate relationship with your Higher Self (continued):

2. Be intimate: close, tender, vulnerable, trusting:  The second way to develop intimacy with your Higher Self is to start being intimate.  Let yourself be close to your Higher Self, close in your communications and in your interactions rather than keeping them at a distance.  And allow your Higher Self to be close to you.  Be real like you would be with a genuine friend versus acting formally or reverently.  Also, be tender. Slow down enough to allow those tender moments.  Be vulnerable, sharing your innermost thoughts and feelings.  Open up and talk about your wounds, hurts, betrayals and fears, and also your successes, dreams, hopes and desires.  Share the deepest parts of yourself, including your secrets.  Your Higher Self already knows your secrets, but again there’s magic in the telling.

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And trust, trust your Higher Self.  How do you do that?  When you receive advice or suggestions that you think are coming from your Higher Self, if there are no significant consequences if they don’t work out, follow them.  If they suggest, for example, to check the air pressure on your front tire or to read this book or to do that meditation, do it.  If they suggest that you take a different route home from work or call this friend or go to bed earlier tonight, do it.  If these things don’t work out, there are no significant consequences. But if you think your Higher Self has suggested that you stay home from work or quit your job or end a relationship, don’t do it because that would have a significant consequence if it didn’t work out.  Remember, you are developing a relationship, you are learning how to communicate and be intimate with your Higher Self.  You may not always hear them correctly in the beginning.

If you are following advice that you incorrectly think your Higher Self is giving you, but it’s really coming from your negative ego or your Subconscious Mind or some other place, your Higher Self will step in and intercede.  However, if you’re not following the advice you think is from your Higher Self, out of their own elegance they will not intercede.  It’s like discernment – if you want to learn how to discern it’s important to begin practicing.  When you do, your Higher Self sees this and steps in to help you.  But if you never practice discernment, out of their own elegance they won’t intercede, they won’t help you discern because you’re not taking any action.  As with so much in life, it’s important to launch and learn, “move and the path will open.”  The same is true with your Higher Self and trust – when they see that you are trusting them and following suggestions or advice that you think is coming from them, but it’s not, they will intercede and help you realize where the information is coming from. The more you practice trusting your Higher Self, the clearer the communication becomes.

And allow your Higher to be intimate with you.  Let them be close to you, tender with you, vulnerable with you.  Now they’re not going to share any wounds, betrayals or shames because they don’t have those experiences, but they certainly have dreams, hopes and desires for you.  Not of you, but for you and there’s a big difference.  The first creates pressure, the second creates support.  Your Higher Self will never expect anything of you, only for Such is the nature of their love.

As part of allowing your Higher Self to be intimate with you, let them also trust you.  How do you do that?  By becoming worthy of trust.  Someone who is worthy of trust is competent at what they do; they have integrity and a strength of character; they are responsible and they value themselves.  For example, you wouldn’t trust a surgeon to repair your car because they’re not competent when it comes to car mechanics. Likewise, you wouldn’t trust a car mechanic to operate on your heart because they’re not a competent heart surgeon.  In the case of your car, if you were looking for a mechanic that you could trust, you would also want to make sure that not only were they competent with cars, but that they also had integrity, character, were responsible and valued themselves.  Valuing themselves is an important part of being worthy of trust (trustworthy) because people who do not value themselves cannot value you and therefore cannot be fully trusted.

rose-81211The same applies to you. To allow your Higher Self to trust you, you need to be worthy of that trust, meaning being competent in how you live your life – developing the necessary abilities, knowledge and skills to live your life successfully.  Having integrity and character.  Being responsible and valuing yourself – not perfectly, but enough.  This will not only make you worthy of your Higher Self’s trust, it will also make you worthy of your own trust, as well as the trust of the other people in your life.

Allowing Your Higher Self To Be Real, Article Five

Allowing Your Higher Self To Be Real: Article Five in a Series of Five

Ways to develop an intimate relationship with your Higher Self (continued):

3. Exchange gifts: A third way to develop intimacy with your Higher Self is to exchange gifts of love.  This is very powerful and effective, and also circumvents your negative ego. Your negative ego won’t understand what you’re doing and consequently will leave you alone. Gifts of love are exactly that – anything that expresses love.  They are gifts that you’ll give to your Higher Self and gifts that they will give to you.  Often these gifts will have several layers of meaning, which makes it really fun.  For example, you may decide that tomorrow you’re going to find a gift for your Higher Self.  As you proceed through your day, you might find a beautiful feather, a ribbon, a stone, or perhaps a greeting card that communicates exactly how you feel.  You don’t need to spend a lot of money or any money for that matter; it’s just about finding gifts that express your love.  Once you get home, you might want to create a special private place where you can put these gifts.  Then in a meditation, give the gift to your Higher Self and tell them why you selected this present.  As the two of you talk, you may discover some wonderful insights about your relationship as represented by this gift that you were unaware of before.

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Likewise, let your Higher Self give gifts to you.  You may decide that tomorrow or over the next week you’ll find a gift from your Higher Self.  Keep your eyes open and when you come across it, you’ll know.  Maybe you’ll be reading a magazine and see a headline that is exactly what your Higher Self said to you the other day in meditation. Or maybe you’ll find a coin or little crystal that you just know is a gift from your Higher Self.  Cut the headline out or pick up the coin or crystal and place it in the private place in your home.  Then in meditation, allow your Higher Self to give you the gift and tell you what it means.

There may also be times in meditation where your Higher Self will spontaneously ask you for a gift.  For example, they might say, “Will you give me two solid bricks?”  If you’re willing, imagine having two solid bricks in your hands and then give them to your Higher Self, as they requested.  Then ask them to explain the meaning.  Again, you may or may not hear any words, but the information will be exchanged and will become conscious according to your cadence; some people receive information very quickly and for others it can take several days.  You may discover that the bricks represent the weight of some worry you’ve been carrying on your shoulders and your Higher Self is suggesting that you give this worry to them.  Or maybe they are suggesting that it’s time to forgive yourself for something that you’ve been allowing to weigh you down.  Or maybe the message has to do with learning how to establish stronger boundaries and your Higher Self wants to help you build this capability, brick by brick, so that it’s solid and strong.  You’ll know in time what this gift of love represents.

4. Develop contact outside of meditation: Another way to develop intimacy with your Higher Self is learn how to connect with them outside of meditation.  An easy way to do this is by being in a dimly lit room (so that the light doesn’t shine in your eyes because you’re going to open them later on) and then going into a meditation to establish contact with your Higher Self.  Once you do that, gently open your eyes and sense your Higher Self in the room with you. You won’t see them, they’re not physical, they don’t have a body, but with practice you will be able to sense them.  Sometimes this takes several tries, but that’s okay, there’s no rush.  For many people when they do sense their Higher Self in the room with them, it’s easier for them to sense them in their periphery or even behind them.  There’s no right or wrong way to do this; the goal is just to get a sense of your Higher Self in the room with you, with your eyes open and in your normal state of consciousness versus being in a meditation.

Once you’ve established this contact, let your Higher Self be with you in your daily routine.  If you want, let them be in the passenger seat as you drive your car and talk to them about where you’re going and what you’re doing.  Or let them be on the couch with you as you watch TV or at the sink with you as you wash dishes.  If you have an important meeting, you might want to invite your Higher Self to be in the back of the room, helping you to stay calm and centered.  Or just any time that you want them to be with you – on a walk, in the grocery store, at the bank.  There really are no limits to the ways that you can allow your Higher Self to be part of your life.  Whenever you want them to be there, they will be there, delighting in your presence.

(One caution: this isn’t about becoming silly with this. Your negative ego would love for you to make this into a drama, where you start interacting with your Higher Self in front of others, putting on a show for people.  No, the relationship between you and your Higher Self is sacred and private.  Now that doesn’t mean you can’t share your experiences with trusted intimates, but it’s not about putting on a play. This is your higher consciousness, someone who loves you more than you will ever be able to fathom.  Let that love be the guide in how you interact.)

kilimanjaro-574299When you allow your Higher Self to be real, there truly are no limits to the magic and miracles that can unfold.  Your Higher Self’s love for you can change anything and everything, beyond what you can possibly begin to imagine.  And, when you allow your Higher Self to be real, you can receive the dreams that they hold for you, dreams that are far bigger, bolder and more beautiful than anything you could ever dream for yourself.

Special thanks to Lazaris for teaching me how to allow my Higher Self to be real.