Taking Back Power From Negative Ego

If your negative ego had its way, you would never heal or grow or change.

You would live your life as a hollow shell, just getting by from one day to the next. But it doesn’t need to be that way. You are SO much more powerful than this part of yourself. Your negative ego has no power of its own – it only has the power that you give it. Like all negativity, it is weak and stupid and the only power it has is the power that you give it.

But that’s the problem – people give their power away to their negative egos all the time and don’t even know it. They believe this negative part of themselves when it spews its lies. They don’t recognize this enemy within and therefore they can’t say no. When people say, “I am my own worst enemy” they’re actually talking about their negative egos. They are not their own worst enemy, their negative ego is and if they could learn to recognize this part of self rather than identifying with it, they could say no. That’s all it takes. You just say no. You don’t battle, you don’t struggle, you don’t fight. You are in charge of all of yourself, including your negative ego, and you just say no.

–Holly

Excerpted from free negative ego video class, “The Negative Ego: Taking Your Power Back

Unmasking Your Negative Ego, Part One

Taking charge of your negative ego is a fundamental part of any personal growth journey, especially if you want to live a magical life.  Your negative ego does not want you to grow and change.  It does not want you to be happy, joyous or successful, and it certainly does not want you to be free.  If left unattended, your negative ego will do everything in its power to stop you, to keep you stuck in old patterns and behaviors, feeling undeserving and not good enough.  Feeling fearful and anxious.  Feeling tired and guilty.  Making it hard for you to trust yourself and love yourself and give yourself a break.  Filling you with demands of perfection and an endless list of what’s wrong with you and why you’ll never really be okay – no matter how much you grow and change.

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When you’re happy, your negative ego whispers in your ear that this won’t last.  When you’re inspired, it tells you that you can’t do it.  When you’re resting, it reminds you of all the tasks that you haven’t completed.  It’s always working, 24/7, to undermine you, to exhaust you, to make you feel small and powerless. But in truth, it’s your negative ego who is powerless – when you take back the power you have unknowingly given it.  When you unmask this part of self and tell it NO.  You are far more powerful than your negative ego.  It actually has no power of its own.  It only has the power that you give it by buying into its lies, by believing what this enemy within says to you.

You are incredibly strong, talented and capable.  Think of everything you’ve been able to accomplish in your life despite your negative ego, despite this adversary within trying to destroy you at every turn.  And that’s exactly what your negative ego does – it tries to destroy you.  If you let it, your negative ego can destroy in a moment what has taken a lifetime to build – that one affair that destroys your marriage; that one malicious rumor you spread that traces back to you and breaks the trust with a loved one or friend; that one short cut that blows your career apart; that one time you text and drive or drink and drive as you hear inside your head that you can handle it, only to get into a terrible accident that maims or kills someone.

But short of this, short of it blowing your whole reality apart, your negative ego is always working to undermine you, to make you feel better than other people and to make you feel less than other people.  Both are positions of arrogance, both are different sides of the same coin and anytime you’re feeling better than or less than someone else, you’re separating yourself from other people, from yourself, and from your spirituality because you’re living a lie.  This is an achingly lonely way to be and sadly, the way many people live because they have no idea just how destructive their negative ego really is and how it is impacting them every single day of their lives.

The negative ego wants to be in charge, it wants to run your life and in order to do so, it has to take you out.  It is your worst adversary, it is the greatest source of negativity in your life.  When people say, “I’m my own worst enemy” what they’re really talking about is their negative ego – they just don’t realize it.  They’ve so identified with this part of self that they can’t separate, they can’t establish a clear boundary between themselves and their negative ego and consequently they listen to its lies and follow its counsel – which is always negative.  Always.

Your negative ego is incapable of telling the truth.  It is not your friend, despite what it will tell you.  When people say, “Well at least I’ve got my pride” what they’re really saying is that at least they have their negative ego.  They’ve fooled themselves into believing that this dangerous, toxic part of self is really their ally – which it is not.  The same is true when people would rather be right than happy.  That’s their negative ego in spades.  Or when people refuse to take responsibility and choose to blame instead.  That’s also their negative ego in action.  Rather than coming from the spiritual adult, the part of self that knows that it has the power to choose how it responds to everything that happens to them in life and that there is more help available than they can possibly begin to imagine, they choose instead to act out of their negative ego – the part of self who insists that it is a victim or a martyr or someone who must struggle or suffer.  Which is a lie.  Your negative ego always lies to you.

Using this deceit, your negative ego tries to separate you, not just with its better thans and less thans, but with the way it sees the world – as an unfair and unfriendly place that’s out to get you.  As a place that is unsafe, untrustworthy and where you need to have your guard up at all times.  Even against the Divine.  Your negative ego sees the Divine as the ultimate enemy.  It does not want to acknowledge that there is a consciousness greater than its own.  In fact, your negative ego wants to be the Divine.  Now usually it’s not going to use those words, “I am the Divine, I am the Source” because that would be too obvious, but that’s essentially what it’s whispering in your ear when it says that you’re unlovable, unforgivable, undeserving or unworthy.  The Divine wholly and completely loves you.  The Divine forgives you before you even know that you need forgiveness.  The Divine has given you total deservability and worth.  When you hear otherwise inside your head, that’s your negative ego telling you that it knows better than the Divine, that it is wiser than the Divine, that it is superior to the Divine.   That it is the Source, not the Divine.

Most people don’t think in these terms.  If you asked them if they thought that they were superior to the Divine, they would immediately say no.  But yet they won’t receive love or forgive themselves or do the work to uncover and then own their deservability and worth.  Not because they’re bad or wrong or stupid, but because they’ve unknowingly aligned themselves with this most negative part of self and it’s separating them from the truth of their being.  It’s separating them from the Divine and all the love, magic and miracles that the Divine so dearly wants to give them, including forgiveness, deservability and worth.

gift-548290Life is a gift from the Divine, a gift that is freely given with no strings attached.  But your negative ego wants you to believe that life is a reward, a reward that you must earn rather than a gift that you learn how to receive.  And ultimately whatever you do, no matter how hard you work to earn love, forgiveness, deserving, worth, magic, miracles, life, your negative ego will always tell you that it wasn’t enough.  Again, it always lies.

But you don’t have to accept its treachery.  You can become conscious of how your negative ego operates and then release it from its position of power…

Unmasking Your Negative Ego, Part Two

Unmasking Your Negative Ego, Part Two

As I was saying in Part One of this article, you don’t have to accept your negative ego’s treachery.  You can become conscious of how it operates in your life and then release it from its position of power.  This is a continuous process because your negative ego will always comes back – despite its lies saying that it’s gone for good now.  As long as you’re human you’ll have a negative ego, that’s just part of the set up here.  But as you practice releasing it, it will come back with less and less force and you can even reach a place in your growth where your negative ego no longer impacts you at all.   Just like you can heal yourself to the point where you no longer act upon the lower human impulses to lie or cheat or manipulate – you may still feel those impulses from time to time because you are a human being, but once you’ve healed and developed a strength of character you don’t act them out anymore.  The same is true with your negative ego – you will still hear its messages, its blather, its lies, but you can say no.  That’s all it takes – you just say, “NO.”  It’s not a battle of good versus evil or right versus wrong.  It’s not even a battle – you just say, “NO.”  Again, you are far more powerful than your negative ego.  It has no power of its own except for the power you give it.

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But saying no is impossible if you don’t know how your negative ego operates, if you don’t know what it’s saying to you day and in and day out, how it’s trying to destroy you – and it’s been trying to destroy you the same way your entire life.  Your negative ego says the same thing to you now that it’s been saying for the last 20, 40, 60 years.  Like all negativity it is stupid, which is very good news because that means once you know how it operates, once you know what your negative ego is saying, it gets easier and easier to release it from its position of power.  You don’t have to stay up nights trying to figure out what your negative ego is up to now because it will always be the same old thing.  And once you know what it says and how it operates, you can just say NO.  It doesn’t have to trip you up at all.

It’s the difference between hearing something from someone you know hates you, who always lies to you, who wants you to be miserable, who wants to punish you versus hearing something from someone you think is trustworthy.  If you know the person absolutely has your worst interests in mind, why on earth would you buy into what they’re saying?  You wouldn’t.  The problem is people don’t recognize when it’s their negative ego talking to them; they just hear these thoughts inside their own head and believe it.  But you can easily change that.

And the goal is not to kill your negative ego as some people say.  No, the goal is to learn how to release it from its position of power so that it no longer interferes in your life.  And to continue that process of release for the rest of your life.  Again, your negative ego won’t go away – you’ll always have this negative, destructive part of self as long as you’re human.  But you can definitely reach a point where your negative ego no longer interferes.  It’s actually much easier than you might think, especially if your negative ego is telling you right now that this is impossible.  Again, it’s lying.  Or maybe you’re not hearing that this is impossible, but rather that this isn’t an issue for you, that you handled your negative ego long ago.  If you’re hearing that, you might want to investigate further: do you know the messages your negative ego says to you every day?  Can you list the top five?  If not, chances are it’s your negative ego telling you right now that this is not issue for you rather than these thoughts coming from the wise and loving spiritual adult part of self.

The last thing your negative ego wants is to be removed from its position of power.  It really hates the fact that you’re reading this and contemplating what it means to you and thus is doing whatever it can right now to defend, disguise and protect itself.  That’s why you might be hearing thoughts about how hard this work is going to be, or how much time and energy it’s going to take, or maybe even how it won’t really matter anyway because you’re just going to fail – after all, your negative ego is more negative than other people’s (a favorite lie of the negative ego).  Or it could be taking a wholly different tack and filling your head with thoughts about you not having a negative ego at all or if you do, it’s not that negative and it’s certainly not trying to destroy you – how melodramatic.

The only way to discover the truth for yourself is to unmask your negative ego by learning its messages.  Then you’ll know whether the thoughts you hear inside your head are coming from a part of you that you can trust, such as the spiritual adult, or whether they’re coming from this dangerous, toxic, polluted enemy within.  candles-435410To that end, I’ve created a list of 101 Specific Negative Ego Messages.  This is not a complete list by any means, but it’s a great place to start.  I’ve also created a free video, The Negative Ego: Taking Your Power Back, that includes a powerful visualization technique to kick your negative ego out of your reality.  A written version of this technique is also available on my site.

You really are so much more powerful than your negative ego.  It cannot hold a candle to your light.  But you need to use your light – you need to expose this negative part of self for the weak, lying, destructive enemy that it is.  Then you can build a strong boundary between you and it so that your negative ego can no longer interfere with your happiness, dreams and desires.  When you do, your personal growth journey will become profoundly more beautiful, elegant and easy, filled with untold magic, miracles and success.

Your negative ego truly is the greatest source of negativity in your life.  When you change how you relate to it, everything changes for the better.  Everything.

 

Kicking Your Negative Ego Out of Your Reality

This is a very powerful technique to kick your negative ego out of your reality. It’s something that you do continuously because you’ll always have a negative ego, but each time you do it, it gets easier and easier. And, you can reach the point where your negative ego doesn’t interfere in your life at all anymore because you catch it so quickly.

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When I first started working with my negative ego, I used this technique several times a day and was astounded by the results. Because it’s a visualization, you’re communicating with your Subconscious and Unconscious Minds, as well as your Higher Conscious Mind – your Higher Self – telling them what you want and they will all respond.

Technique:

1. Periodically throughout your day pause and ask yourself what your negative ego is saying about whatever you’re experiencing. Listen to its blather. You’re not going to follow what it has to say, but it’s very important to listen so that you can tell the difference between you and it. You can simply say, “Negative ego, this is what I’m experiencing right now (and then describe it). What do you think about this?” Then listen.

2. After you’ve heard enough, put your hand up and say, “Negative ego stop. You always lie to me. Out of the love that says no, I say no. I’m not going to follow your way, I’m not going to buy into your lies and negativity. I say no. AND, out of the love that says yes, I say yes – I take back all the responsibilities I have given you. I will think and feel. I will evaluate and assess. I will give things meaning. I will decide and choose how I act and react.”

3. Then using your imagination, shrink your negative ego down until its only two inches tall. Allow yourself to hear your negative ego’s voice getting higher and higher, squeakier and squeakier, as it shrinks down, like the little pipsqueak that it is.

4. Now either turn your negative ego into a white golf ball, a green tennis ball, or leave it two inches tall. If you’ve chosen a golf ball, reach up and receive a golf club out of thin air and knock your negative ego out of your reality. Hear that satisfying sound of a golf ball being hit off the tee and sailing through the air. If you’ve chosen a tennis ball, reach up and receive a tennis racquet out of thin air. Bend over and pick up your negative ego in the form of this tennis ball and toss it into the air, hitting the tennis ball out of your reality. Again, hear that satisfying sound of a tennis ball bouncing off the strings of the racquet and sailing through the air. If you’ve chosen to leave it standing there two inches tall, snap your fingers and hear a loud “POOF” sound as it disappears.

You can use this technique several times a day. As I said, the more you do it, the easier it gets. You can also use this technique anytime you have an important meeting or are getting together with family or friends or are evaluating an opportunity or are making a significant decision – anytime really when you think your negative ego might try to jump in and wreak its havoc. This is especially true around situations that are emotionally charged for you – it’s always a good idea to take a few minutes to listen to your negative ego and then out of the love that says no and yes, to say no and yes so that you don’t allow this enemy within to destroy you or hurt others.

Exposing Your Negative Ego: 101 Specific Messages

Negative ego messages aren’t limited to these, but here are some common examples of what you might hear inside your head from this greatest source of negativity in your life.

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1. I have to be perfect. Anything less than that and I’m a failure, I’m nothing, I don’t deserve to be loved.
2. I know the truth with a capital “T”. I have all the answers. I’m smarter, I’m wiser, I’m more perceptive, I’m more intelligent. I know more. People should listen to me, I know what they need. If they just listened to me their lives would be a whole lot better.
3. So and so just said I hurt their feelings. What a bunch of crap. They’re always so melodramatic. They always make a mountain out of a mole hill. They’re way too sensitive. I was just kidding anyway. Who needs this relationship, it’s way too much work. I’m better off by myself.
4. I can’t trust myself. I’m my own worst enemy. No matter what, DON’T trust myself, it will only end in disaster.
5. I’m going to humiliate myself. It’s just a matter of time – I’m going to humiliate myself.
6. There’s something very wrong with me.
7. It’s all my fault.
8. My spiritual path is better than other people’s. I’ve found the true way.
9. I’m going to fail.
10. Don’t ask for help, that’s weak. I can do it all by myself. I don’t need anybody. Besides, people will just disappoint you.
11. Jeez, can’t they see how old they look? They need Botox bad. And they need to get that lifted.
12. I’m sick and it’s my own damn fault. If I’d taken better care of myself I wouldn’t be sick now. I deserve this, it’s all my fault.
13. I’m always right.
14. Life isn’t fair so it’s okay for me to cheat. Everybody else does. I don’t have to follow the rules; no one else does so why should I? I can do what I want. I can take short cuts. No one will know.
15. People are out to screw me. They’re going to take advantage of me. They don’t mean what they say. I always have to guard against that or I’ll get used.
16. I really am the best, I really am superior. Other people don’t know it yet, but it’s just a matter of time. I’ll show them.
17. Don’t be so emotional. That’s so weak.
18. I’m more spiritual than other people. I’m more dedicated. I’m more committed. See how hard I struggle? See how hard I work? See how much I sacrifice?
19. It’s all their fault. I’d be happy if it weren’t for them – my ex, my parents, my sister, my brother, my boss, my coworker, my friend. THEY’RE the reason I’m so unhappy.
20. I deserve to pamper myself. I deserve that ice cream, cake, potato chips, drink, smoke. I deserve that second helping. I deserve whatever I WANT. It’s been a tough day, it’s been a tough week, I deserve to relax.
21. Nothing is too much for me. Just suck it up, just do it.
22. Life isn’t fair. You don’t get what you want, you get what you get.
23. Why should I do all the work? Let them do it and I’ll just take the credit, those saps.
24. I really have had it harder than other people. My childhood WAS the worst. My wounds really do cut deeper and no one really understands. No one really appreciates what I’ve been through. My problems really ARE much bigger than other people’s, that’s why it’s so hard for me.
25. Look what’s in their grocery cart. No wonder they’re so fat.
26. Women really are inferior to men. Everyone knows that.
27. Don’t care about people. You’ll just be disappointed.
28. No matter how hard I try, I always screw up.
29. My negative ego is more negative than anyone else’s.
30. I’m always getting blamed for stuff I didn’t do.
31. No one really gets me.
32. Dreaming is for fools. People should get their heads out of the clouds.
33. When I make a mistake I deserve to be punished.
34. I’m unforgivable.
35. Other people just aren’t intelligent enough to understand my point of view. If they were smarter, they’d think like me.
36. So and so hurt me. I’m NEVER going to forget it. I’m NEVER going to let them off the hook.
37. It’s okay for me to steal because I’m not being paid for what I’m worth.
38. Don’t succeed, just get sympathy instead. Get people to feel sorry for me. That’s the way to get attention. That’s the way to get ahead. Act like you’re sick – that always works.
39. Women really are better than men.
40. When something terrible happens it’s god’s will. Just accept it. There’s nothing you can do about it anyway.
41. So and so just complimented me – I see what they’re doing, they’re just trying to butter me up. They want something from me. They have an ulterior motive, I just know it.
42. My negative ego isn’t that negative, c’mon.
43. I’m so much more caring than other people. No one cares like I do.
44. Sometimes you have to scare people for their own good.
45. Don’t plan for the future, don’t even think about it. You can’t do anything about it anyway. You’re just going to get old, sick and die. Don’t think about it.
46. I deserve to have it my way, no matter what it takes.
47. Doesn’t so and so see how judgmental they are? Like they’re one to talk – they should look in the mirror. I’m not like that, I don’t judge anyone.
48. I’m not going to take a chance unless you guarantee me that it will all work out.
49. If someone doesn’t agree with you, then something is wrong with them. They obviously don’t know what they’re talking about anyway. Defend yourself, tell them why they’re wrong.
50. Play weak, then no one will ever get jealous or envious and no one will ask anything of you.
51. It’s okay to control people, it’s for their own good. I know best.
52. I really am better than other people; I’m special. I was born that way.
53. I’ll show them. They’ll wish they’d treated me better when they see how successful I’m going to be. I’ll get my revenge then.
54. Everything happens for the best. So what if I just failed, so what if things just fell apart. Obviously that’s for the best.
55. They never appreciate what I give them. I worked really hard to find the perfect gift and they never appreciate it. They’re so ungrateful.
56. Don’t risk, I’ll just end up getting hurt. I’ll just end up being disappointed.
57. I’m tired of hearing how hard it is for all these other people. I’ve had to work hard for everything in my life. Nobody gave me a thing. They should too. It’s not my problem if they’re lazy.
58. Jeez, can’t they see how weird they look? It’s SO obvious that they’ve had plastic surgery. Why can’t they just accept aging like I do?
59. Give up on ever finding love. It’s a fairy tale anyway. And it doesn’t last.
60. The future is scary. It’s horrible to get old. Only bad things happen.
61. I’ve made my bed and now I have to lie in it. I can’t be forgiven.
62. The Divine isn’t real. That’s just something people believe in who are too weak to accept the truth.
63. So and so just hurt my feelings. Don’t say anything, just get them back – make them pay, make them suffer 10 times worse than what they did to me. That will show them.
64. Happy people are so shallow. If they understood what’s really going on in the world they wouldn’t be so happy.
65. I thought I was done with that issue – I haven’t changed at all.
66. So and so is trying to sabotage me because my life is so much better than theirs. They want what I have and if I don’t watch out, they’ll take it.
67. This pain will never end. I’m being punished for some reason. I must have done something very wrong to deserve this.
68. I can park in the handicap spot if I want. Who cares if I don’t have a disability – they always give those people the best parking spots anyway and it’s not fair.
69. So I drink a lot. I deserve it. I work hard.
70. I’m aging so much better than so and so. They look so old. Obviously they’re not taking very good care of themselves like I am.
71. The world is not a safe place. People will hurt me if I’m not on guard.
72. I am the best friend anybody could ever wish to have. People are so lucky to be my friend.
73. Just trust my head, don’t feel. Feelings are for weaklings.
74. People with a lot of money obviously cheated somehow.
75. So I eat too much. I work hard. I deserve it.
76. It’s too late for me.
77. Just trust my heart, don’t think. Thinking is so unfeeling.
78. I am the worst parent. It’s all my fault that my kids are so screwed up.
79. I’m special. The rules don’t apply to me. I get to do what I want.
80. So and so is sick – it’s their own damn fault. If they would have taken better care of themselves they wouldn’t be sick now.
81. I don’t care what that sign says, I’m not going to curb my dog. What’s the big deal anyway?
82. So and so just had a big success. What a show off. They think they’re so great. They think they’re so special. I hope they fail. I hope they lose everything.
83. I’m such a forgiving person, not like other people.
84. I don’t need to quit smoking. It’s not going to hurt me. Besides, it’s the only pleasure I have in my life and I deserve some pleasure.
85. So what if I was abused as a child. The past is over. It’s not impacting me now.
86. No matter what I do I can’t stick to an exercise program. It’s just too hard.
87. It’s okay for me to text and drive, nothing bad is going to happen.
88. I’m overwhelmed, this is too much, I can’t handle it.
89. Crying is for babies.
90. The ends justify the means.
91. It’s hopeless. I’m in a hopeless situation.
92. Do you see the way they’re looking at me? They’re so jealous. I am so much better than them and they know it.
93. The deck is stacked against me. I can’t get ahead.
94. I am so much fitter than so and so. See how out of shape they are?
95. I am the most loving parent. I love my kids more than anybody else loves theirs.
96. That’s not my problem so why should I care? If you’re stupid enough to be poor or homeless or discriminated against or lack health insurance, that’s your problem.
97. People who drive SUVs are greedy. They don’t care about the planet like I do.
98. So and so thinks they’re so special. I know just what to say to take them down a peg or two.
99. Struggle, fight, battle – that’s how I show my strength, that’s how I show I’m tough, that’s how I show I can make it. No one’s going to take me down. Nothing is too much.
100. Don’t let things get too good or the other shoe will drop.
101. So and so is always in their ego. They’re so arrogant. They haven’t handled their negative ego like I have handled mine.