The more you appreciate yourself, the more others will appreciate you.

Feeling unappreciated is a very toxic emotional state.  It doesn’t make us bad or wrong – it’s actually quite human – but it does cause tremendous damage.  When we feel unappreciated, it quickly opens the door to: feeling misunderstood; overwhelmed with seemingly unsolvable problems; blamed for things we didn’t do; and burdened with responsibilities that aren’t ours.  All this because we don’t feel appreciated.

Again, this doesn’t make us bad or wrong (nothing does), but it does make us suffer. The ego part of self always wants us to feel unappreciated.  It whispers in our ear that other people don’t see how hard we’re working, that they don’t appreciate all the difficulties we’re dealing with, that they don’t consider everything we do to make things work around here – even things we weren’t asked to do. The ego also tells us that until other people appreciate this, we can’t be happy.

But the exact opposite is true.  As long we keep trying to get other people to appreciate us, we won’t be happy.  In truth, whenever we feel unappreciated it’s an invitation to look deeper by asking ourselves two questions:

1. What am I not appreciating in myself right now?
2. What am I not appreciating in others?

For example, let’s say I make a special dinner for my family, going to great lengths to prepare dishes that I know they all enjoy.  Everyone eats and then is off to whatever they do after dinner, while I’m left standing there waiting for some acknowledgment beyond a quick “Thanks.”  Maybe I don’t even get that.  My ego starts whispering about how much effort I put into this meal and yet no one noticed or cared.  In fact, they just expect it of me.  They don’t have any idea of what goes into creating a meal like this and I can’t tell them either because then they’ll just misunderstand and think I’m fishing for compliments.  No matter what I do to show my love, it’s never enough.

And then my ego piles it on by reminding me of all the other things I do for my family that they don’t appreciate.  Before I know it, this special meal that I put so much effort into has turned into a source of anger and resentment, where I feel increasingly unhappy.   And given the Law of Attraction that says like energy attracts like energy, when I go to work tomorrow – if I stay in this emotional state – I’ll just attract more experiences where my hard work and effort goes unappreciated.

But what would happen if instead I used my feeling of being unappreciated as guidance, as a sign that I need to look deeper to see what I’m not appreciating in myself?  Perhaps I’m not recognizing just how loving I am.  Or how generous I am with my giving.  Or the creative ways I express my caring.  I’m wanting others to appreciate this, but I’m not appreciating it myself.  If I can’t or won’t give it to myself, then how can I expect others to?  More importantly, the Law of Attraction won’t allow it.  I’m putting out a vibration of not appreciating myself and therefore am attracting experiences of not being appreciated.  But when I genuinely start appreciating myself, I’ll attract experiences of being appreciated by others, including my family.  The power is within me.

Then I can ask the second question: What am I not appreciating in them?  Perhaps my spouse is under a lot of pressure and isn’t paying attention to anything right now.  Maybe my kids are overwhelmed with homework or are totally caught up with trying to fit in with their friends.  Maybe everyone is running a 100 mph right now just to keep up.  When I can find what I’m not appreciating in them, and then take a moment to understand and feel my appreciation for what they’re experiencing, I strengthen the attraction for being appreciated.

Again, the power is within me.

–Holly

There’s someone in the world that really deserves your compassion – you.

For many of us, it’s easier to feel compassion for someone else rather than ourselves.  But we deserve our own compassion, and not only do we deserve it, we need it.  Sometimes life is hard and we have to deal with difficult things.  In those times it’s all too easy to judge ourselves, to think that we should be responding better and that somehow we’re not doing it right because if we were (the thinking goes), it wouldn’t hurt so bad or be so scary or cause so much suffering.

But sometimes in life we hurt, we’re scared, we suffer.  And it’s not because we did anything wrong.  These are the times when we need our own compassion the most.  It is this energy that can carry us through the difficult times, that can heal our hurt or dissipate the fear or end the suffering.  Compassion is an incredibly, incredibly powerful emotion, especially when we give it to ourselves.  When we can feel that depth of caring for whatever we’re going through, it generates a sense that we’re going to be okay because we experience someone having our back – us.  And when we can be there for ourselves, there’s nothing we can’t get through.

So how do you feel compassion for yourself?  One way is by focusing on someone you really care about and then imagining that they’re experiencing whatever difficulty you’re experiencing.  Really envision that they’re having all the same feelings and all the same thoughts – they’re experiencing the same stress, anxiety, despair or whatever impacts you’re living through because of this difficultly.  Perhaps they can’t sleep or are finding it hard to concentrate or have lost their sense of a hopeful future.  Maybe they feel depressed and alone or are angry and frustrated.  Just let yourself imagine that they’re experiencing everything you are, almost as if you’re writing a play and this person is playing you.  Now look at them.  Open your heart and look at them.  Let yourself feel compassion.  They don’t want this.  They didn’t ask for it.  They don’t deserve it.  Neither do you.  Neither do you.

In this space of compassion, make a commitment to yourself.  “Right now I’m a woman/man who is experiencing __________ (whatever the difficulty is).   But that’s not who I am.  That’s what I’m experiencing right now, but it’s not who I am.  I refuse to judge myself.  I refuse to tear myself down.  I refuse to abandon myself.  I stand for me.  I will not give my power away to this situation.  I don’t deserve that and I refuse to let that happen.  What I do deserve is compassion, understanding and the space to be messy and make mistakes.  I give myself that, I give that to me.  And no one and nothing can take that away.  I stand for me. I have my back.”

–Holly

The Universe is dreaming a future for you far more beautiful than anything you can dream for yourself.

To dream something is to bring together all the necessary resources to make it happen.  That’s what the Universe is doing for you right now, and it shows up as opportunity.  Continuous opportunity.  But we often miss these opportunities because we’ve set our sights too low.  We’re so busy dealing with day to day life that we haven’t sat down and thought about the future that we want to live.  So when a little opportunity presents itself, one that would take us down a slightly different path that could lead to a profoundly different future, we don’t see it.

This doesn’t deter the Universe.  It continues dreaming for us and sending opportunities, hoping that we’ll not only see them, but take them.  One way to answer this call to a more beautiful future is to ask ourselves, “What do I want my life to be like in two years?  What kind of work?  Who do I want to be spending my time with?  Where do I want to live? What desires do I have for my health, finances, relationships, recreation?”  The answers that come will bring us closer in alignment to what the Universe is dreaming for us, making it much easier to recognize opportunities when they present themselves.  In sense, it’s like we’re lifting our eyes to the horizon so that we can see all the possibilities, possibilities that the Universe so dearly wants to give us.

–Holly

If you find yourself struggling with something, take a deep breath and let yourself stop.

Most of us have been conditioned to push harder when something isn’t working, but that actually creates more stress.  Struggle is a message that there’s a better way – a way to achieve greater results for the same amount of energy, but sometimes that means reevaluating our approach. Maybe we’re trying to force a round peg into a square hole.  Or perhaps we keep repeating the same pattern hoping that this time will work. Or maybe we’re doing something that we think we should be doing, but our heart isn’t in it.

Rather than fighting and struggling and settling for difficulty, what if we had the courage to consider that we’re going about this the wrong way?  Even a few moments of entertaining doubt and uncertainty can have huge payoffs because it creates the space for new ideas to come in.  The classic question to facilitate this space: “If I were going to consider approaching this in a completely different way, what might that look like?”  Then hang out in this uncomfortable place for as long as possible.  The results can be amazing.

–Holly

One of the secrets of success is continuously expecting something wonderful to happen.

You don’t have to have any idea what it might be, you just need to be willing to expect something wonderful.  Children have this quality naturally; it’s part of their innocence and wonder.  As adults, most of us have lost those qualities, but we can regain them any time by making a choice to expect wonderful things to happen – and then looking for them.

It may seem too simple, but test it out for three days.  When you wake up tomorrow proclaim to yourself, “Something really wonderful is going to happen today.”  As the day progresses, remind yourself – put it in your phone, your calendar, on a post it or whatever works for you.  Each time you see the reminder, pause for a moment and feel:  “Something really wonderful is going to happen today.”  Then be open to it.

If nothing wonderful happens, repeat the practice the next day.  And then the next.  You’ll know by then whether this is an effective tool for you.  And if it is, you’ll find that over time your sense of innocence and wonder returns far more powerfully than you ever experienced as a kid because an adult’s capacity to feel is far greater than a child’s.

–Holly